We all have a need to be filled up. We need fuel to make it through almost any day this side of heaven. We can choose to fill ourselves up with a myriad of things! (Lord knows the world is an endless buffet of junk to take in.) Each of us are so different and unique, and we are all fulfilled by different things.
God is so gracious. He is not afraid of our messes, and we don't have to clean them up before we run to him. May we be reminded this week that God meets us where we're at and embraces us fully.
I don’t know when it happened. Perhaps facing life’s difficulties and various tragedies does it to you? Maybe being pushed to your pain limit for days on end is the cause? But somewhere along the way I became hard. I became fiercely independent in my pain and discontent.
Last Sunday I went to the most beautiful Palm Sunday service I’ve ever attended. Its impact is certainly sticking with me this week. I was caught off guard by a particular moment in the service during a call and response reading of The Passion according to Matthew. They had various members play characters in the story like Jesus, Peter, Judas, the High Priest, Pilate, etc. Once we had gotten to the part of the story where the people choose to release Barabbas instead of Jesus I was stunned by shouts around me saying, “Let him be crucified!”
I have a serious problem. It goes something like this. I walk into a coffee shop, a really cool coffee shop mind you, and I can feel the eyes of the man-bun wearing, beanie adorning cool kids bearing down on me. I order my coffee and muffin, and they see me carefully gliding to a chair trying not to spill my Guatemalan gold.
This morning as I was spending time with the Lord I felt him speak a question to my heart. He asked me: “Craig, where is your bar?” As I pondered on his question, layer after layer of meaning began to unfold in my heart.
I stumbled across a quote recently that has been messing with me. “Live less out of habit and more out of intent.” The author of said quote has proved difficult to nail down. Nonetheless, I can’t seem to get their words out of my head. Being a “work at home mom” has been a challenging new lifestyle for me. I have found it difficult to find motivation to do just about anything.
Our lives are messy and full. Most of the time we are operating past a healthy capacity. I have been feeling the fatigue of unhealthy limits lately. It leaves me cloudy, confused and unclear. By the grace of God, he helped me snap out of it. Oftentimes my path to clarity begins with an honest conversation, either with the Lord, or Craig. After I spoke up, we came to the conclusion I simply lacked vision for this new season I was on the brink of.
Lately I’ve really enjoyed beginning my day with a Psalm. I find that the honest, vulnerable pursuit of God in the writing of David helps set the tone for how I should live my day. This morning Psalm 18:24 really stood out to me: “God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”