Lately I’ve really enjoyed beginning my day with a Psalm. I find that the honest, vulnerable pursuit of God in the writing of David helps set the tone for how I should live my day. This morning Psalm 18:24 really stood out to me: “God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”
Over my maternity leave God has taught me so many lessons. It seems like its always the most challenging seasons that end up the most rewarding and clarifying for your life. However, there is one lesson I’m still learning over and over again.
I have been struggling lately. Certain seasons unfortunately carry with them a weight of pain that sometimes feels unbearable. For me, recovering from childbirth has been one of those seasons. Most new mothers would tell you these first several weeks are more difficult and painful than anyone could really warn. It’s unfortunately not something you can truly prepare yourself for, and no amount of advice keeps you from actually having to walk through it.
We all have a need to be filled up. We need fuel to make it through almost any day this side of heaven. We can choose to fill ourselves up with a myriad of things! (Lord knows the world is an endless buffet of junk to take in.) Each of us are so different and unique, and we are all fulfilled by different things.
I don’t know when it happened. Perhaps facing life’s difficulties and various tragedies does it to you? Maybe being pushed to your pain limit for days on end is the cause? But somewhere along the way I became hard. I became fiercely independent in my pain and discontent.